Reading my diary of 2004
I wondered if my wounds were still any sore
The pages smelt of magic and more
A few happy memories and the bad ones I tore.
In cute hearts and scribbled flowers
I stuck his blurred pictures which I stared at for hours,
A prized possession I always believed it was
Adorable he looked, despite all his flaws.
When he passed by me, through those school corridors,
Our eyes would meet and the world around just froze.
The moment would pass, but its momentum seemed to never
I’d enact the reactions I should have given instead, for hours in my shower.
Hours would pass by,
Practicing conversations in front of the mirror,
But one phone call form him,
And nothing could I remember.
Pages of my diary, I’d fill with curses
On the days I missed him and waited for his call,
But the call only came to break my heart
When he said lets end, once and for all.
Sounds of the classroom were a blur since then,
All that was in my head were needle sharp questions,
The world became more distant and disparagingly dim,
Tiring me to death was my misery and him.
But years have gone by now and I’ve completely healed,
I look back and laugh it it’s not a big deal,
Under the weight of time, like a fossil, it’s buried deep,
I don’t try to dig it out, and it doesn’t bother me.
Dates that were important to me then,
Are slowly fading away from my head.
More people have come along my way,
And more diaries I filled about them.
But the heart never beat that fast again,
A heartbreak never heart that bad again,
The purity and innocence of my first love’s magic,
Was something I lost. And never found again.
